


Connie Swap Episode 11: We Need To Talk

by br42, BurdenKing, CoreyWW, MjStudioArts



Series: Connie Swap [11]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Art, Awkward Conversations, Bad Puns, Comedy, Conversations, Dramedy, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Light Angst, Momswap, Multi, Music, Pictures, Romantic Comedy, Romantic Friendship, Slice of Life, Steven Universe AU, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-26
Updated: 2017-07-26
Packaged: 2018-12-07 06:36:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11618004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/br42/pseuds/br42, https://archiveofourown.org/users/BurdenKing/pseuds/BurdenKing, https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoreyWW/pseuds/CoreyWW, https://archiveofourown.org/users/MjStudioArts/pseuds/MjStudioArts
Summary: Connie arranges a dinner conversation with Steven to talk about the harrowing revelations from her latest mission. Neither knows how the talk will go and both hope they'll still be friends by the end of it.





	Connie Swap Episode 11: We Need To Talk

Sitting on a remote stretch of beach, having pondered long and hard about how to respond to her doppelganger’s warning, Connie fished her phone out from her pocket and tapped out a message.

_* CoMa - 03:14pm | Steven… We need to talk._

When Steven’s response wasn’t forthcoming, the girl stood and began to pace up and down the sand, hands thrust into her pockets. Despite her conviction, Connie felt a mix of relief and anxiety at committing to this course of action.

Unconsciously, Connie found herself humming a little tune, improvising it as she went: the mental equivalent of fidgeting with some worry beads. Over time the tune grew and acquired lyrics, the beat in time with her nervous pacing. Eventually, with only the wind and sand to witness, Connie tried to vocalize her feelings… through song.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

_The Gems all tell me that this stuff's dangerous_  
_I didn’t take it too seriously, Until now..._  
_I’ve never been apprehensive,_  
_But now I’m really freaking out_  
_What should I do?_  
_I don't want that for you_

_...instrumental..._

_Everybody tells me life is fragile_  
_On the planet Earth, and that means you_  
_And I need to defend you_  
_What if somehow I make you hurt?_  
_What would I do?_  
_I don't want that for you_

_Woo~ooh… x4_

_What am I going to tell you?_  
_I barely know the details of what's happened myself_  
_I don’t want you to worry, about where I just was_  
_Or what I’ve just felt!_  
_I don’t think you should be a part of this,_  
_But I know you want to be_  
_You won't be hurt_  
_No, not with me!_

_Woo~ooh… x8_

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The noise of her phone broke her out of her impromptu musical number. She blinked owlishly as she wondered at the fact that her spontaneously singing about her feelings wasn’t even in the top three weirdest things about her day.

More messages arrived. Shaking her head, Connie turned to her phone.

_* StUn - 03:25pm | Yeah how was the mission?_  
_* StUn - 03:25pm | I tried calling but missed you_  
_* StUn - 03:25pm | Yur not on the moon or the other side of the world, R U?_  
_* StUn - 03:26pm | I texted my dad once when he was in korea and mom said that was $$$_

In another moment of mixed emotions, Connie was simultaneously amused and annoyed at Steven’s blithe response.

_* CoMa - 03:27pm | I’m back from the mission. It was… difficult and gave me a lot to think about. We NEED to talk, Steven. Can we meet up later?_

There was a long pause. Connie frowned at her phone. _If I don’t do this soon I’m going to be fretting about it nonstop. Come on, Steven! Please don’t be busy with having a normal, happy family life right now._

Connie stopped and looked up, mentally reviewing her most recent thought.

_Wow, uh, THAT’S laced with meaning. I think I only have room for one bout of intensive self-examination right now; I’ll just save that for another time._

Connie, despairing over the amount of housekeeping the inside of her head apparently needed, was pulled from her ruminations by her phone eventually announcing Steven’s response.

_* StUn - 03:32pm | Ok?? What time? Food?_  
_* CoMa - 03:32pm | How about 5:30? Wherever you want to eat is fine so long as we can sit down._

There was another pause. Connie bit her lip.

_* StUn - 03:34pm | Sure. Fish Stew Pizza, if thats ok._  
_* CoMa - 03:35pm | Sounds good. Talk with you later, Steven._

Connie blew out a long breath and pocketed her phone. She set off down the beach, back towards the house set into the base of the temple. 

_Based on what I told Peridot and Jasper in the Sea Shrine lab, now I need to take a multi-hour bath then go sleep for a month. Guess I’ll have to settle for a shower and… no, there’s no way I’ll be able to take a nap._

Connie hummed her little tune as she walked, then mentally added, _I wish I could roll with things the way Steven does. He gets excited easily but, giant worm monsters and lifetime bans from amusement parks aside, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him freak out._

* * *

_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!_

Dad put his hand on Steven’s shoulder. “Shtu-ball, are you okay?” he asked. “You’ve sorta been staring at your phone for a half hour. Is something wrong?”

Steven chuckled nervously and looked up. He thought of saying what was on his mind.

But since his thoughts at the moment primarily consisted of unvocalized panic, he considered that less than productive.

“Whaaat?” Steven lied. “Y-no, no. No, I’m totally fine.”

Dad raised an eyebrow, but didn’t probe further..

“Well ... okay,” he said. “Just ... let me know if you need anything, alright?”

“Sure! Yep. Okay dad!” Steven said.

When his father exited the living room, Steven continued what he was doing before: screaming internally.

However, some time after that, he realized he probably should talk to someone about this. Not dad. He felt like this problem was too embarrassing to bring up, especially after he had already lied about it.

He needed advice from the best, smartest person he knew.

He was already several button presses into contacting Connie when he realized that wasn’t the best course of action.

 _Okay, that’s out,_ he thought. _Who’s the_ second _best, smartest person I know?_

* * *

Sour Cream blinked as soon as Steven finished describing his problem.

They sat on Sour Cream’s bed, which was cool because it was shaped like a racecar (he claimed he slept in it ironically, whatever that meant). He also had posters of German DJs and other cool bands all over the walls. There was a pile of old video game systems in the corner.

 _Sour Cream is so cool. Even his room is cool,_ Steven thought. _If anyone is cool and smart enough to help me figure this out, it’s him. He’ll tell me everything will be okay._

“Okay ... that sounds really bad,” Sour Cream said finally.

_Nevermind! Back to panicking!_

Steven collapsed face down into the mattress and moaned.

Sour Cream said something Steven couldn’t quite make out. The boy raised his head and adjusted his hearing aid.

“What was that?” Steven asked.

“I said it’s okay,” Sour Cream repeated. “Like ... hey, people who care about each other fight all the time, it’s natural.”

“We’re not fighting!” Steven said, terrified. “At least, I don’t think we are. I mean, we went for a walk this morning and fed her giant wolf--” 

“Her what now?”

“And she said her mission would be boring and I said it might not be and--”

“I--sorry, I’m pretty sure you just said ‘giant wolf’ a minute ago so--”

“I mean, did I _jinx_ it? _Are_ we fighting? I don’t even know how to have a fight, it’s crazy, like what would I even say or do, what if the fight is so bad she doesn’t want to be my friend anymore and she moves into space and forgets all about me and--”

“Whoa whoa, slow down.” Sour Cream put his hand on Steven’s shoulder. “Whatever it is it’ll be okay. A ... disagreement isn’t anything to be afraid of.”

Steven was unconvinced. He gave a shaky smile.

“M-maybe it’s nothing bad?” Steven said. “Like ... maybe she just said ‘we need to talk’ because of something good?”

Sour Cream grimaced.

“I uh ... I really want to reassure you, Steven, but ... no one ever says ‘we need to talk’ about something good. Like no person has ever said ‘we need to talk ... about this cake I bought you’. That has never happened.”

Steven’s eyes went wide. He felt like he was about to cry.

Sour Cream seemed to notice and shook his head. “B-but hey, what do I know, right? My dating situation isn’t exactly normal,” he said, uncharacteristically nervous. “I--I could be totally wrong. Maybe that’s like ... a new thing kids do now that I don’t know about? S-sure.”

Steven didn’t find this the least convincing. However, he wanted to believe that so he nodded anyway.

“Y-yeah, you’re right!” Steven agreed. “I--I bet if I showed this to some of my friends from school, they’d tell me I’m worrying too much too and everything will be fine.”

* * *

“Yeah, it sounds like she’s gonna dump you,” Peedee said matter-of-factly as he and Jeff sat across from Steven.

“But we’re not dating!” objected Steven, his face a rictus of worry. “We’re just friends, honest!”

Peedee’s faced showed skepticism before he shrugged and amended, “Then she’s going to unfriend you, maybe? It happens to Ronaldo all the time online.”

Steven went pale, his mouth agape.

“Peedee!” Jeff said, gently laying his hand on Peedee’s. “That’s a little--” He blushed as his eyes went to his hand placement before he jerked it back. “I--I mean, that’s a little harsh, don’t you think?”

“Well, I’m sorry, but ...” Peedee sighed. “I mean, it’s better if he hears it from us then gets blindsided by it, right?”

Steven thumped his head on the table. He felt both Peedee and Jeff’s eyes on him.

“Um ... hey, cheer up, buddy,” Jeff said. “It’s okay.”

“No it’s not,” Steven moaned, voice muffled as he spoke into the table. “My life is now caught in a spiral of misery from which there is no escape.”

“Noooo, no, that’s not true.” Jeff touched Steven’s shoulder. “Come on, you’ll bounce back.”

Steven frowned. His eyes stung, but he was forcing himself not to cry in front of his friends.

“The worst part is I don’t even know what I did,” he said. “Like ... what is it? Am I too annoying or something?”

“No, no, of course not” // “Well, maybe,” Jeff and Peedee said at the same time.

“PEEDEE!” Jeff hissed, looking at the blonde reproachfully.

“I don’t mean _I_ think he’s annoying but maybe _she_ does or ...” Peedee grunted under Jeff’s disapproving stare. “Okay, sorry, I don’t-- I don’t know how to deal with this kinda thing either.”

Steven sat with his hands on his chin. “What do I do now?” he muttered.

Jeff frowned. Peedee sighed and spoke up.

“Well ... obviously you have to go talk with her,” Peedee said.

Steven shook his head.

“No, no! I have a better idea! I could just leave town, change my name, and throw away my phone! That way we’ll never talk again and we’ll never have to stop being friends!”

“Uh ... Stevie?” Jeff said. “Not talking to Connie ever again sounds like _you’d_ be breaking up with _her_.”

“No, that’s not the same thing because ....”

There was a long pause. Jeff leaned in, waiting for his friend to finish.

All Steven could managed was saying, “I--it’s not the same thing because I don’t want it to be.”

“Look, Steven,” Peedee said. “I know you probably don’t want to deal with this, but you can’t just run away from your problems. Connie was your friend and ... well, you owe her at least a chance to say what she has to say. And if it turns out to be something that hurts your feelings, you know ... it sucks, but you still have us.”

Steven blinked. Jeff’s mouth was agape.

“Wow ... that was actually good advice,” Jeff said.

Peedee shrunk in his seat.

“It ... I dunno about that, it just made sense to me ...”

Steven exhaled. “You’re right, Peedee. I’m probably overreacting.”

“Oh, I didn’t say-” but Peedee was shushed by Jeff.

Steven, failing to notice the interruption, said, “I mean, Connie’s not the sort of person who would play mind games with me. I should face this head on. Like… well, like Connie does.”

* * *

_No!,_ thought Connie. _I don’t wanna!,_ she whined inwardly.

Connie, dressed but with her hair still damp, stared at her phone.

She’d missed a call from her dad during her inordinately long shower.

She spared a glance at the warp pad across the room, inches-deep in seawater and circumscribed within a waist-high pool. _Is it still too late for Veronica Cucamonga to skip town?_

Connie took a deep breath and tried to settle her already frazzled nerves. _I’ve been to the ocean floor and back. I’ve once again been reminded how unflattering it is to be the least capable version of myself. I’ve seen myself crumble agonizingly to dust today. **Twice**. And I’ve arranged a difficult tell-all with my best friend so he can hopefully help keep me from turning evil. Compared to all of that, a call with dad should be nothing. No crazy magic, no ‘evil within’; just me and dad, having a calm conversation about father-daughter stuff. It’ll be fine._

 _Right?,_ she added, still unconvinced.

The girl shook her head --a few errant drops of water flying off and landing in the nearby pool-- squared her shoulders, and pressed the call button. Realizing damp hair was probably bad for the phone, she hurriedly toggled it to speaker phone and held it out in front of her.

Doug’s voice cut in but was muffled, as though the receiver weren’t near his face. The sound of fingers fumbling for the phone obscured things further. “-ust a second, Pri; I think it’s Connie. Huh? I’m pretty sure they’re over by your toothbrush.” There was more sound of the phone being mishandled, then Doug’s voice came through clearly. “Hi, this is Dou-”

Connie looked down and saw that her finger had, somehow, pressed the ‘end call’ button.

A beat later, her phone rang. It was dad. With a final, longing look at the warp pad, Connie answered. “Hi dad," she said absentmindedly putting the phone back to her ear. "No, the call must have dropped. Peridot got a bunch of salvaged tech today; maybe it’s interfering?” she half-lied as she walked over and sat down on the couch.

She nodded her head along, pretending she didn’t hear the occasional female voice in the background. “Uh huh. Uh huh. Oh? I thought you were finished with that job. Wow, extradition charges?! You said Reynolds was ex-military but… Okay, that is a pretty good reason for them to want you to stay on for a few weeks more. Hold on, let me write your apartment’s address down.”

Connie set her phone aside, hopped up, grabbed a notepad and pencil from nearby, then brought the phone back to her ear. “Ready. Uh huh. Thayer street? Got it. Alright, Peridot or I will go and pick up the spare key from the apartment office the week before. Wait, I thought you said your move-in was delayed until late-March? Oh, you’re shipping the big stuff over early. Okay. Who’s gonna do it? Wow, I haven’t seen Uncle Marco since we drove out to pick him up after his car died on the side of the road three Harvest Festivals ago.” She laughed in time to the tinny laugh heard over the phone. 

“February 28th at 10am,” she added, writing it down on the pad and underlining it. “Yeah, I’ll be ready to meet him if he-” and Doug said something that made her chuckle again, “okay, _when_ he loses the key.”

 _See, perfectly normal father-daughter stuff,_ thought Connie as the two engaged in light-hearted banter, both spending a few minutes to swap personal anecdotes.

“...and I’m going to need you to tell me that story about you and mom meeting again. I know it wasn’t that long ago but the memories from when I was little are all kind of fuzzy. Yeah, that was good tiramisu. Huh? Oh, yeah, Sadie mentioned you’d called about the tab.”

Doug said something more and Connie’s expression fell. “I’d tell Lapis, but she’s… it’s not moderation, dad. Actually, Lapis is still not back. Yeah, since New Year's. No. I asked Peridot about that but she says nothing is showing up on the seismic or tidal scans so we don’t really know. If she doesn’t do anything big, they don’t really have a way to find her. It’s been… okay, I guess. We miss her. Yeah, I understand. Really? When was she gone that long?” There was a long pause over the line, then a reluctant answer. Connie’s face fell as she curled up a little on herself and sighed. “That… yeah, ‘about thirteen years ago’ meshes with what Peridot said over New Year's too.”

The conversation was a little more subdued from there, though father and daughter both made a good faith effort to recover the tone.

A few minutes of chitchat later, Connie said, “No, I’m really excited! I mean, you’ll be walking distance away! Of course I’m going to help. Dad, I can summon force fields; I’ll make a ramp up to the second floor balcony and you can use a dolly to wheel it from the moving truck straight up there.” The pair shared a laugh. “I’ll give you the family discount. I’m really happy you’re moving back.”

Doug said something and her broad smile narrowed. “Oh right. Y-yeah, she’ll be helping too. No, it should be… fun. No! No, sorry, I just remembered something I have to do. Yeah, tell her I said hi. Love you too, dad. Bye.”

Connie hung up the phone and stared at it for a moment longer.

 _I think I'm all brooded out,_ thought Connie. _But, hey, if things go poorly with Steven, I can put off thinking about_ that _by thinking about this._

Connie paused and gave a small, wry smile. _Is it wrong that I feel kind of proud about being a well-prepared worrier?_

Noting the time, Connie pocketed her phone and went to finish drying out her hair.

_Besides, this is Steven I'm meeting with. If I can just do like him and not spend so much time worrying about everything, it'll be fine. I just need to keep it simple._

* * *

"-and then, if I fold my napkin into a square, that's Jenny's cue to come and girl-talk with Connie while I go to the bathroom and rehearse my lines," explained Steven. 

The boy was seated in the back corner of Fish Stew Pizza. Laid out on the table before him were diagrams like something from a coach's playbook, which he was going over with Sour Cream, Jenny Pizza, and Buck Dewey.

Pale brows furrowed over paler skin. "Hold on," asked Sour Cream. "I thought the square napkin was my sign to come by and casually mention your mad roadie skills?"

Steven shook his head, his voluminous curls swaying even after he'd concluded the motion. "No, that's if I fold the napkin into a rectangle and set a coaster on it. You know, so it looks like a turntable?"

The DJ nodded. "Oh, riiight. Sorry for missing the beat there. Anyway, not meaning to harsh your vibe, little dude, but doesn't all of this seem like a bit... much?"

Jenny, who had been grinning like the cat who ate the canary since the moment Steven had enlisted their help, ran a finger down Sour Cream's arm. "I think it's cute. It's like dinner theater or somethin'. 'Sides, we owe Con-con for saving our butts back at the quarry. If our choices are this or fightin’ monsters, I say we play along."

"All the world's a stage, Steven. We'll be your Greek chorus," said Buck, who then leaned forward, placed his hand on top of Steven's notes, and added, "If by my coolness I can assist you, I will. You have my shades."

Sour Cream smiled and placed his hand on top of Buck's. "And my beats."

Jenny put her hand on Sour Cream's, using their closeness to blow a small raspberry on the DJ's and then the stoic's cheek before adding, "and my attitude."

Smiling up at the trio and placing his palm down on the stack, Steven said, "You guys really are the coolest."

With a small cry of 'break' the group dispersed to their designated positions, Buck remarking, "That _is_ what it says on our business cards."

Jenny, walking over to her place at the register, said, "I didn't know we had business cards. When did we get business cards?"

Buck was about to reply when Sour Cream, sitting near the entrance, cut in saying, "Use a save point on that conversation, guys; Connie's coming in."

The bell over the front door rang as it swung open. Steven's eyes darted to the entrance to see Connie walking in. With a lurch, he hastily swept his notes off the table and stuffed them in his pack.

The Cool Kids all said their hellos, Buck setting his copy of _Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance_ aside to fistbump the girl as she walked past.

Steven and Connie caught eyes with each other. Connie gave a weak smile. Steven got to his feet, forced a smile back and waved, waggling his fingers, which he immediately regretted.

Connie paused when she was a few steps away. "Hi Steven. Um, you're dressed nicely. Are you going out somewhere with your family after this?"

He was wearing a button-up, collared shirt that was tucked into his slacks. He was wearing some kind of dress shoes that were black and shiny. 

Connie crossed her arms over her chest as though suddenly trying to cover up her workaday overalls.

"Hello Connie," said Steven, pulling out a chair for her. "No, it's just you and me this evening. You look lovely, by the way," he added, sweat forming on his forehead.

Connie sat down with a bemused expression, Steven sliding the chair under her in the process. "Me? No! I just- I mean, it's a different pair than the one I wore to the bottom of the ocean earlier today, but this is... I mean... Um, thank you," she managed to finish, blushing slightly.

Jenny, Buck, and Sour Cream all shared glances, the former mouthing 'Bottom of the ocean?' to the others.

Connie looked about to speak when Steven cut in, signing as he did. "Oh, so mom wanted me to ask if it'd be okay if I maybe stayed with you and the gems? It'd probably be for a few days late this month or early next month."

Connie blinked, thrown by the surprise request. "Really? After New Year's I was kind of- She actually asked that?"

Steven nodded and tapped the table with the salt shaker. "Yeah, my great-grandma on my mom's side is really sick and mom's thinking she and dad might need to fly down suddenly. My mom... doesn't talk about her family much and she did pretty much run away from home when she met dad, but she was really close to her grandma. There's a tradition in her family where everyone gets together for a week when there's a funeral."

"Don't they want you to go too?" asked Connie.

Sour Cream, meanwhile, had gotten up and 'casually' walked over nearby.

Steven kept his finger on the salt shaker like a chess player still deciding where to place a piece. "Mom said it'll probably get pretty unpleasant after a day or two and she didn't want me to have to deal with that. She also said that if dad didn't come, she'd probably end up burying more than one family member that week." He removed his finger from the salt shaker.

Sour Cream cleared his throat, causing Connie to jump a little in surprise. "Hey dudes. Sorry to hear about the sick oma. Normally Steven would be staying over at my house with mom and fish-dad and my bro, but they're all going on a cruise here soon; fish-dad gets to write it off as a business expense. Oh, and I'm, uh, I'm gonna be out of town too," he said looking a little shifty for some reason. "Anyway, Curls here makes a good house guest so don't sweat it. Five-out-of-five: would recommend."

With that the DJ turned and walked back to his spot by the door. He'd slipped on his ever-present headphones and was bobbing to his music but Connie noticed he seemed to be keeping one eye on Steven and her.

Connie turned back to Steven and said, "Yeah, I mean, that should be fine. I'll need to ask Peridot first and she's not likely to be out of her room until tomorrow morning at the earliest --I swear I heard a nasally giggle through the temple door before I left-- but you might want to hear what I was gonna talk about first."

Eyes wide, Steven said (and signed), "Oh yes, of course," before pushing the shaker of parmesan cheese from one side of the table to the other.

Connie wrung her hands under the table. She took a deep breath and said, "So, on the mission this mor-"

"Hi kids! Welcome to Fish Stew Pizza! What can I get you two to drink?" exclaimed Jenny, loudly and with a wide grin. 

Once more Connie jumped in her seat. "Oh, hey Jenny. I'll have the lemonade, please."

Steven said in smooth voice, "I'll have what she's having."

"Sure thing," answered the twin through her Cheshire grin. "Oh, by the way, Steven, Nana said those vegetables you brought over from your garden were great." Then, adopting a squeaky accent, Jenny said, "That Steven is such a nice, young man. Not at all like Kofi when he was that age."

Steven gave a thumbs up for some reason, prompting a wink from Jenny before she turned to walk away.

Connie was once more about to speak when a voice called out, "Two lemonades for the cuties in the corner!"

Connie tried to share a look with Steven but he seemed distracted himself. "Hey, Steven, is everything-"

"WHAT DO YOU WANT TO EAT?" asked the boy at a near shout.

She raised an eyebrow, then gestured to her ears to ask Steven if his hearing aids were on. He fiddled with them, then all but hid behind the menu.

"Hmm, the special for today looks good. Although it has mushrooms..." and he trailed off, lowering the menu to look at Connie expectantly.

Looking confused, Connie said, "I like mushrooms."

Steven smiled in a manner that didn't reach his eyes. "Me too! Oh, and it has pineapple on it..." followed by another leading silence.

Connie cocked her head at Steven. "Not a fan of pineapple on my pizza."

"Y-yeah, who would want sweet, delicious fruit on their pizza covered in fungus? I agree. Oh look, here comes Jenny with our beverages," came Steven's stilted reply.

Jenny set down thin coasters then gave them each a condensation-dappled glass of lemonade. "What'll it be, you two?"

"One daily special, without the pineapple," said Steven.

Jenny blinked. "Really? You know that has mushrooms on it, right? Besides you always get-" Connie turned to see Steven giving Jenny a pleading look. 

"Of course," she said, jotting down the order. "I'll leave you two to it."

Connie watched Jenny walking away. Connie waited. When Jenny seemed content making a detour by Buck's table, Connie turned back to Steven. "Is there somethi-"

"One daily special, no pineapple!"

Connie jolted, knocking over the pepper shaker.

"Oh, let me get that," he said, setting the little thing upright. Steven then used his napkin to sweep the pepper flakes away before folding it neatly in front of him.

Connie opened her mouth to speak when Steven took a sip of his lemonade (the coaster stuck to the bottom of his damp glass) and exclaimed, "Hey, this is tasty. Sadie said they had good lemonade here." He lifted the glass up for another drink when the coaster dropped off the bottom and landed onto his napkin.

"Alright, Steven, this is all really weird. What-"

Three voices spoke up at once behind her; it was all Connie could do not to topple out of her chair.

"Connie, I had this interesting thought about the nature of consciousness and-" // "Hey Con-con, can I borrow you for a bit for a little girl-talk?" // "I don't know if you knew this, but Steven here can lift my entire rig and that thing must weigh-"

Somehow the sound of a straw drawing air from the bottom of a now-empty glass of lemonade managed to cut through the chatter.

Setting down her glass, Connie addressed the group. "Look, I just came from a scarring, multi-dimensional mishap involving familiar people acting very strangely. Buck: is today February 15th? Jenny: what attacked us at the quarry? Sour Cream: what instrument did you have on layaway at the Universe's music shop? And Steven: What does it mean when I do this?" and she wiggled her nose.

"Only until tomorrow."  
"Some kind of emotion monster from under the pond. Also, that nose thing is caaah-ute!"!"  
"A theremin that, for some reason, has _'Hiddenite was here'_ etched on the bottom."  
"That you're okay."

Buck then reached into his jacket and retrieved a small card which he slid across the table to Connie.

It read, ‘Buck, Sour Cream, Jenny’ and below that was printed, ‘Really the Coolest.’

“Our bona fides,” said Buck, simply.

Connie handed it back to the mayor's son (which Jenny promptly snatched out of his hand and admired), then said, “Thank you. Now, could I ask you all to let me and Steven talk without further interruption?”

Sour Cream shot her an apologetic smile, reached around Jenny’s waist and Buck’s shoulder, and walked the three off to a distant table.

Connie turned back to see Steven looking like a man in front of a firing squad about to be fitted for his blindfold. Mustering all her sympathy, she said, “Steven,” and reached across the table, offering him her hand. He extended his hand out to take it…

...when Kiki Pizza approached them holding their pizza. “One daily special. I decided to put the pineapple slices on the side just in case,” she said in her polite and professional way.

Connie looked about to retort when she threw her arms up in defeat. “You know what? Fine, let’s eat some pizza. It's possible I won’t turn evil before the end of this meal.”

Kiki took Connie’s cryptic remark in stride, set the pizza down on a little stand in the middle of the table, handed them each their plates, refilled Connie’s lemonade, and took her leave.

Connie decided, with Peridot ensconced in her room of the temple, to commit a minor act of rebellion and eat her pizza by hand instead of with a fork and knife.

She was pulled from savoring her first bite when she heard Steven choke slightly on his bit of pizza, quickly chugging some of his drink.

“You… don’t really like mushrooms, do you?”

“Noo~” sobbed the boy, the last of his facade crumbling. “And I was going to try and follow Peedee’s advice and be brave like you but then I thought maybe I could help smooth things over a little so I came up with a plan and I asked Sour Cream to help out because he knows about relationship stuff and I’d asked him about your text earlier and then I got into my date clothes but it’s all gotten out of hand and I’m afraid you don’t want to be around me anymore because of your destiny but I still wanna be friiieeends!”

Connie was taken aback by this and quickly shifted so she was sitting near Steven. She reached up and wiggled his nose. He calmed down a little. Then she reached up and wiggled her ears, giving him a somber look.

Continuing, she said, “Steven, you did nothing wrong. And your clothes do look very nice,” she said as part of her brain was still grappling with the ‘date clothes’ remark.

“I just… What we need to talk about is what happened on my mission today. I saw some things that really shook me up. They were scary. A little cool in places, and we may need to update the power diary-- but that’s beside the point. Steven,” she said, taking his hand in hers and staring into his eyes, “you can’t be my sidekick.”

Steven flinched as though struck, but slowly he nodded in sad acceptance. “I-I understand, I’ll stay out of your way-”

“Steven, no!” Connie hurriedly exclaimed. “What I mean is, if you’re going to do this with me, be my friend in whatever crazy adventure you’d call what I’m going through, you’re going to do it as my equal, not my sidekick. In fact, I need you to be that if we’re going to be around each other because… because I might be dangerous to you. To others, but to you especially.”

Steven, composed, squeezed Connie’s hand. Then he reached up and wiggled her nose.

“Tell me everything,” he said, resolute.

* * *

Steven was silent for a while. Connie allowed him time to think, though she couldn’t seem to find a place to put her hands while she did.

The Cool Kids had been, well, cool and given the pair their space after Connie had asked. All eavesdropping was tastefully done by Jenny during lemonade refills, of which there had been plenty.

Connie couldn’t begrudge that; after all, Jenny did work there.

Once it became clear that neither Connie nor Steven were going to break down and cry, or sing, or cry while singing, the trio had departed to do their own, cool things. Including Jenny, despite working there.

“I think…” said the boy while studying the table. 

Connie leaned forward, unknowingly holding her breath.

“I think I can do this,” he said, looking up for the first time in minutes. 

Meeting her eyes, he added, “For you,” which caused Connie’s stomach to do a funny fluttery thing for some reason.

His eyes widened. “I mean, do this _with_ you... to help you. ‘Cause we’re friends,” he clarified before taking a sudden drag on his straw.

Connie gave a genuine, relieved smile, tension melting out of her shoulders and back instantly. For a time it was all she could do: stare at him, smiling dumbly.

Then that irrepressible corner of her mind informed her of how much of a goof she was undoubtedly looking like to Steven. She straightened back up, clearing her throat. “I’m… relieved. I've been worried sick all day.”

Steven gave her a weak smile of commiseration. “Yeah, me too.”

Connie nodded but then her expression hardened slightly. “However, you need to be able to disagree with me.”

“I can disagree with you!” said Steven hurriedly, then added, “Wait? That’s not right...” as he tried to find a way to agree more disagreeably.

“Really?” asked Connie, eyebrow raised. “Then have another bite of pizza, mister mushroom-lover,” she said, offering a cold slice that was covered with the topping.

Steven waved the offending food away, his nose wrinkling in distaste. Then he chuckled at his own folly, his expression chagrined but his smile, genuine. “Okay, you got me; I’m more of a ‘go with the flow’ kind of guy. But if you do something, you know, Dark Side-y, I promise I’ll tell you.”

Connie, setting the pizza aside, smiled at Steven once more and extended her hand over the table. “Destiny partners?”

Steven moved to wipe his hand on his shirt, remembered it was his _nice_ shirt, hastily used his napkin instead, then reached across and took her comparatively slight hand in his own grip. “Destiny partners,” he answered, grinning radiantly.

The two basked in the moment for a time before Steven released the shake and reached down into his pack. Pushing his dinner scrimmage plans aside, he pulled out the power diary and a Crying Breakfast Friends-themed multicolor pen.

“So… I have just a couple questions,” he said casually.

“Just a few dozen,” he added while leafing through to a blank page of the book. 

“A hundred little questions,” and he brought his free hand up to rub his chin. 

“Just a thousand-or-so,” which he punctuated by clicking the tab to allow him to write in Weeping Egg Cup-yellow. 

“Would you mind answering a piddly million questions, miss destiny partner?” he asked, making a gesture of invitation with his free hand.

There was glitter on his chin. And his fingers. Connie was pretty sure the pen had been glittery to begin with.

She snorted and smiled so wide it nearly made her face ache. “Of course, mister destiny partner. Ask away.”

* * *

It was late. Fortunately Fish Stew Pizza stayed open late. 

Steven’s parents had contacted him a few hours in to make sure all was well. A round of assurances later and the pair were free to resume their conversation.

No one contacted Connie.

“What do you think Tonnie did that scared Sconnie so much? Was she a villain or more of an anti-hero?” asked Steven.

Connie shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t think I’ll _ever_ know. She seemed kind of ruthless but she still seemed…” and Connie gestured broadly in her direction, “me-like. And at the end, after I destroyed the time-turner, she was so… broken. She was sobbing and then... she was gone.”

Steven nodded, then thumbed through the sparkly pages of the power diary. “This ghost thing she did, where the other Connie’s sword went right through her? You said the other Connie stopped fighting a moment later, right?”

“Yeah, Sconnie fell to her knees and started screaming.”

“Hmm…” said Steven, apparently dissatisfied with the answer as he paged through the notes and colorful illustrations.

“What?” asked Connie.

“Well, I was just thinking: it’d have been really convenient if she’d fallen asleep instead,” answered Steven.

“Huh?” said Connie, visibly confused.

“See, we’re going to be partners, right? I mean, maybe I can’t help you fight monsters very well but I can do other stuff like help you stay on the Light Side or keep you from finding humanity tiresome then flying off to build a giant clock on Mars or help you do power testing stuff like you, me, Lapis, and Jasper did for your force fields.”

“Explain the sleep remark, Universe,” commanded Connie, deadpan.

Steven grinned wide, unable to repress his smile of smug satisfaction any longer. “Well, another thing I can help you with is thinking of cool code names. So, I noticed something on my phone when you first texted me. I mean, mainly I was freaking out, but there’s this corner of my mind that’s always thinking, like, puns and stuff-”

“YOU HAVE THAT TOO?!”

 _And I bet I just gave it plenty of material to work with,_ thought that very corner of Connie with the mental equivalent of an eyeroll.

Steven, still smugging smugly with intent to smug, nodded and continued, “Anyway, that part of me noticed something about our text names. **St** even **Un** iverse and **Co** nnie **Ma** heswaran. ‘Stun’ and ‘Coma’. I could, like, get a magic super-taser from Peridot and you could totally put people to sleep with your destiny ghost powers.”

Connie groaned.

“Slumber Woman and Stupor Man of the Shut-Eye League! The Daze-namic Duo! The Zzz-Men! The Fantastic Snore! Siesta Squad!”

“No more!” cried Connie, playfully shoving him on the shoulder.

The boy slumped forward and pretended to snore. Connie laughed and prodded him again, prompting him to snore louder.

The gemstone that peeked out of the top of Connie’s overalls started to glow slightly. That and the fact that their hair both frizzed out slightly went unnoticed. 

The moment passed and, in time, the evening’s antics played out.

Connie had slept poorly more often than not since entering the new year. Her magic book and her worries had been her frequent, late-night companions.

That night, for the first time in a while, Connie slept both peacefully and well.

**Author's Note:**

> The Connie Swap's take on the song _Full Disclosure_ was written by the Connie Swap Team and performed by our own [MjStudioArts](http://archiveofourown.org/users/MjStudioArts/pseuds/MjStudioArts). The [piano cover](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ZAeB3EFST8) of the song came from [Irish Bunny](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0_yIT1XTogZ-SeCYNf0_VA).
> 
> This concludes _We Need To Talk_ as well as the mini-arc kicked off by _Connie and The Connie_. While having a pair of single-chapter episodes is unusual, and while we did consider bundling Ep10 and Ep11, or even Ep9, Ep10, and Ep11 together, we decided that _The Butterfly Effect_ really should be an episode unto itself. Regardless, next Wednesday you can look forward to the start of **Episode 12: Perfect Parenting**
>
>> Events transpire leaving Jasper alone in the Beach House to look after Connie and her human friend.
> 
>   
> A couple weeks back friend-of-the-fic and all-around cool person [citrusella](http://archiveofourown.org/users/citrusella/pseuds/citrusella) created [Connie Swap Leaks](https://connieswapleaks.tumblr.com/). According to the site it contains _totally real and not at all fake leaks for Connie Swap. I also get 100% genuine and not at all made up behind the scenes information._ Clearly we on the Connie Swap Team made a mistake allowing that salmon to escape: it knows too much! Drop by, check out what's there, and feel free to suggest other totally real spoilers for upcoming Connie Swap episodes.
> 
> If you have a Connie Swap story burning in your soul that you want to see in our official, curated Omake collection, drop us a comment either in the Omake fic or here in the main fic and we'll get in touch.
> 
> Connie Swap has an official Discord for the fans. [Come check it out.](https://discord.gg/RQMDdhr)
> 
> As usual, we'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments and your asks at the [Connie Swap Tumblr](http://connieswap.tumblr.com/). Thanks for reading!


End file.
